Dating Chat Fluency

Important for casual-sex dating

Our previous article; Four great tips for success with women on a first date looked at how using the right kind of conversational skills reduced dating anxiety and increased the likelihood of attaining a successful outcome from a date. If you haven't read it yet or watched its accompanying video, you should do so before continuing to read this page.

Here, we provide more detailed advice about Small Talk", the most important type of conversational skill you need to be successful when dating.

Becoming fluent in small talk is every bit as important in casual-sex dating as it is in mainstream dating. It is equally important for chatting with couples and singles at sex parties as it is for 1-2-1 hook ups.

Stage 1: Making observations

The problem that many people have is how to initiate small talk when dating and how to keep it going. One of the best ways to get it started is by making an observation. But it is essential that the observation is one about experiences that you have in common with the person you are dating.

In 1-2-1 casual-sex dating, the most obvious source of a shared experience is the rendezvous you have chosen for the hook-up. At a sex party, the same applies to the venue.

For example, if you are a guy meeting a woman for a casual-sex dating hook-up at a bar, you could make an observation about the bar. You might say something like; "It's a great little bar" or "The atmosphere here is just perfect."

If you are meeting someone as a result of a hook-up you arranged on an online adult dating site you will already have a shared experience that can be a very useful source of observations to get small talk started from:
i.e. You will have both experienced the online dating site itself. So you can make observations about features of it that you will have both used (e.g. its forums or chat rooms etc.)

Stage 2: Personal Connection Disclosure

The second stage of dating chat fluency is to follow up the observation by disclosing some sort of personal connection related to it.
In the example of basing the observation on the rendezvous, the personal connection disclosure might be to tell her that you have been there previously and always rate it highly for the way the background music or lighting creates the perfect ambience.
Although she may or may not give your initial observation a response, you don't get sucked into following it up. Instead you choose the personal connection and the disclosure you make, regardless of its relevance to her reply. This is because it is important that you are driving the conversation and stay in control of it throughout the date.

Stage 3: Open Questions

The third stage of dating chat fluency is ask an open question. Open questions are ones that can’t have yes or no answers. Read more...